ProstheTic

Originally Published September 3, 2011

“Lightning flashes of insight into the mirth of a dark sky…”

The joy is in feeling eternal.

As it starts to work on me, it blinds me from the trouble ahead.  The light seems clearer and shinier, and for some unknown reason I dare not try to explore, I feel 100%.  Bright Colors are nice, but this calm is essential…

The first moments come unexpected.  My body feels flushed.  There is heat building up from within and it slowly seeps through my skin.  Before I know it, the warmth has taken over my body and if I didn’t know better, I would swear I were floating.

An overwhelming calm wraps me like a blanket.  I feel safe, but more importantly I feel as if I could completely be secure about the future, because I think that as long as I can sustain this feeling, the rest of the pieces will simply fall into place.  It is an amazing feeling, because regardless of the tumultuous events happening around me – the thunder destroying me and the monsoon soaking me – I feel no worry; I am safe, as if in a womb.  There is no worry.

Though my body remains still, I feel as though my mind has reached places few of us have seen or been to.  I feel as though I’ve felt something only the Saints were supposed to feel.

But I hold no grudge.  And I repudiate selfishness and egoism.  So I don’t intend to make this feeling solely mine.  I intend to share it with the world; to allow light to radiate through me; to inspire the fellow who thought about surrendering.

I feel no heaviness, and I feel no weight. I am full – not an empty vessel – but there is no strain needed to lift me up. I am weightless.  I float.  I am above the ground and above mediocrity. I am high above. It’s a feeling of eternity.

This is the feeling I felt, and which blinded me. This is what I attempted to sustain…..

 ******

But I couldn’t.  The moment was over.  The high became a low. The calm was suddenly shaken by a storm.

With eyes wide open – gazing straight ahead at the dismal future and the ensuing struggle – I realize now I was duped.

It wasn’t eternity: it was deceitfulness.  It wasn’t empowerment: It was weakness. It wasn’t happiness: it was merely a sedative. And finally, it wasn’t life: it was just – and forever nothing more – a drug.

Narcotics.

A sensation. A high. An alternative reality. But it was a drug.

Now it is gone.  And now, in this erratic calmness – in this soothing emptiness – at the bottom of the barrel – after the smoke has cleared and the snow has melted – at the last hour – in this place of quiet, I reflect:

I was just getting high. I made no progress.  I sedated myself….and now that is all gone.

The future is bright; but the road is covered in shards of glass, and I forgot my shoes inside a wilderness…

THE CATALYST

The face shimmered in front of me…ephemeral…vanishing.

Its saddened, black eyes stared back, sizing me.

It was from lives past; a faint memory cleansing me.

 

When it spoke, its voice trembled. But not out of fear:

Its guttural growl was more primal than dear.

It begged to be spoken to; to be given an ear.

In its tender eyes, crystal tears grew near.

 

It had sought me out from a dark place.

Traveled through dimensions with a different face.

 

And with time, though its presence grew stronger.

My sullied eyes could slowly see it no longer.

 

Then it gathered the strength to say to me,

With the kind of candidness only a saint could heave,

That it was me, indeed, with whom it longed to be.

 

It sought a Friend, it said, but had never found one.

Though in me, it thought, it had found the right one:

A vociferous mandate; an intolerable impulse,

To destroy acquiescence and cast a thousand insults.

 

But a friend in me? I thought. It must be insane!

For all that I touch is never the same!

I spill through with honesty; no limit within me.

A road better traveled with the devil in me.

 

So now the halls reverberate with voices:

Cries from the Wolf that longed for answers.

And I beckon my Solitude come hither and forth:

“Do not leave me be and do not  do not leave me alone.”